Finding Courage To Change My Life

I have great memories of my senior year of high school. Our principal was a quirky guy, and he often let us take an extra few moments between classes to ‘stop and smell the roses’. I remember he would tell us that we were the masters of our own destiny, the captain of our ship. I believe that is true, I just think so many of us are frightened of change and too often let our ships drift along without a true captain.

I have wondered over the last few years “What is my purpose?” I guess we all do at some point, and it’s been on my mind quite a bit. Maybe it’s getting older, maybe it’s being bored, but I’ve certainly felt a need for more direction in my life.

I admire Helen Keller so much, to come from a world of complete darkness and silence and be able to teach and inspire others is an incredible accomplishment. One of my favorite Helen Keller quotes is “When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” That’s a true statement on so many levels. I think we get so caught up in the bad or sad things that have happened to us that we fail to see the good that can come of the situation. So many opportunities can be missed while we mourn the loss behind that closed door. And it takes courage to turn your back on that closed door and to approach the new one.

It’s terrifying to think of the road I am on. I am still fairly young, and I have just become comfortable with myself in this body. I don’t know what my tests are going to reveal, but I do know I have a brutal surgery and recovery ahead either way. I could mourn the loss of my body and my time, and even the idea of my femininity. I could become paralyzed by the fear of cancer, and of having to suffer through the pain that has racked my mom for the last 16 years, and of the brutal mastectomy and reconstruction ahead.

But it’s not in my nature to sit and wait for this door to fully close. I need to find the reason for this challenge, and face the new door that has opened. I believe this challenge has lead me to my purpose, and that I can take my courage and help others who are afraid. I can help others who will travel down this path, and show that your life can be better and more powerful after a traumatic event. And I can use this courage and this experience not only to help others travel the same path, but also to raise money for others who may not have the support and resources available to me.

And so I’m changing my life. I’m working out to prepare for my surgery and for my future adventures. I’m eating better to become healthier, and I’ve pretty much stopped drinking (I’m so sorry, Jack Daniels). I am finding ways to promote my adventures as a way to raise money for cancer awareness and other cancer related foundations.

It’s not easy to turn toward this new door, and it forces me to face some pretty frightening possibilities. My life is changing, but I choose to be the master of my destiny, and to meet this change head on, and to offer a hand to those behind me.

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