If I Have Only One Message To Share…

I am so sorry for the long post, please forgive me and try to read thru it! It is written from my heart and means so much.

If I could only share one message, it would be the message of the profound ways my life has been touched and changed in the year since I found the lump in my breast. To put things into perspective:

13 months ago I was working at a horse farm, mucking stalls and driving tractors. I was waiting out a non-compete contract on the videography/photography business I sold. That month the buyers defaulted on a $40,000 loan I held, I found a lump in my breast, my brother was in prision, my mother was sick, and my husband’s job was going down the toilet.

12 months ago I was reconnected (through FaceBook of all things!) with two of my dearest old friends that were living in Colorado. They offered my husband a job in Glenwood Springs and we moved to make life better.

11 months ago I was hired at Land Rover and almost immediately was able to join in on an incredible adventure to British Columbia. The BC trip featured monumental off roading and the meeting of many great new friends, and two friends that I hope will be in my life for the rest of my days. Token and Hubby B.

8 months ago I went with the same group to Baja, and met Larry Roeseler, and was able to experience a Baja 1000 course. That trip changed my life in so many ways. I don’t have the words to relate to you how my soul was touched, not only by my friends and the racing and the environment. I clearly remember laying awake in my tent, looking at the stars above, listening to the sea pound against the shore. There were coyotes howling, and seals barking, and just the wild wind and sea and animals filling my ears while a fear of cancer raged inside me. I cried a lot on that trip, and my friends were patient, and I was exactly where I wanted to be, but more frightened than ever before.

7 months ago I received help through Susan G Komen to get my diagnostic testing. I had my 1st exam, instead of 1 lump they found 6. They sent me for an ultrasound and mammogram, both which should have taken a total of an hour and ended up taking over 2 hours. My breasts were full of cysts, and ultrasounds and mammograms would be ineffective for the rest of my life. I would need MRIs every 6 months for the rest of my life to make sure I caught any cancerous growth right away. I was scheduled for a MRI the following week. I found out I did not have cancer, and that I could lower my risks by having double mastectomies. I learned about the lack of funding and insurance coverage for other women needing MRIs to detect cancer. I thought there had to be some way I could take this and make it right. I heard people telling me I was courageous, and strong. I felt that I didn’t have any other choice. I couldn’t find information about what I was going to go through from a woman’s point of view, and so I started Courage Is My Strength. I came up with idea of an off road race team to raise awareness and money for other women. I called Larry to see what he thought, and called another off road friend, Ken, and they both gave me big thumbs up. So I went for it. Ken directed me to NORRA (National Off Road Racing Association) and I volunteered to help with their upcoming Mexican 1000 rally in Baja.

6 1/2 months ago I had surgery. My job was cut due to the economy and I lost my insurance.

4 1/2 months ago I was hired at my new job, far from the administrative work I’ve done for the last 15 years, I’m now wrangling the front end of a Target store, on my feet and lifting and pushing all day. It’s good for me.

3 1/2 months ago I was in Baja, an official time keeper of the Mexican 1000. NORRA became like a family to me, and the people I met there have touched my life so remarkably. Pam found out about Courage and immediately jumped on to help, introducing me to Betsy-a talented woman that has won Baja 1000-and even announcing at the drivers meeting that I need a truck! I met so many people that have helped me so much, but this post is already too long to name them all! But Pam, Mike, Betsy, Ashley, Bob, Brendan, and Jake have all changed my life and helped make my dreams come true. And none of that would be possible without the support from Ken, Larry, my family, and the friends that stood behind me through the chasing of the dream to make things better for other women going through this.

Today my truck arrived, donated to us through a friend of Bob. It was transported from LA to Scottsdale so that my new family of tech support/pit crew/drivers can get the truck ready. I was worried about getting the truck to AZ, but NORRA has offered to help with the shipping costs. I am entered to race in the Powder Puff race with Betsy in our Team Courage Class 7 truck on October 9th in Barstow, CA. That race is an all women’s race, benefiting breast cancer research. The race will be almost to the week one year since I touched Baja soil the first time, and started on this path.

Today my YouTube channel has reached OVER 90,000 VIEWS, and I have been contacted by so many women that tell me I have taken the fear out of their future surgeries, which makes all of the pain and fear worth it. To be able to cast some light on their fears makes my own so much easier to go through.

Today I sat and cried again, not out of fear, but out of amazement of the wonderful, beautiful people now in my life, working with me to make a difference to others, and working to make this dream happen. It is amazing, and breathtaking, and unbelievable that all of this is happening around me.

I am not an emotional person, if anything I would say that I show very little emotion. Growing up I was mostly only exposed to anger and have little knowledge of how to be a normal, sweet, and loving person. But I try. But I try to seem happy all the time, and keep my emotions inside where they are nice and safe. But seeing the texted image of my truck just after it rolled off the transport truck had me sobbing like a baby, I can’t believe this has happened.

Ken, Larry, Mike, Pam, Bob, Brendan, Jake, Heather, Kelley, Betsy, Jessica, Token, Jon, and Jamie, thank you all for standing behind me, joining me in this crazy idea and dream, and helping me make it happen. I can’t tell you enough, or express it deeply or eloquently enough, how you have made a difference in my life, and touched a part of me that I didn’t really even know I had. Your friendship and support is unbelievable, and although I’m not sure I’m worthy, I am so thankful from the bottom of my heart.

And so, I guess my message would be that when you are the most frightened, and things seem so dark, if you are as incredibly lucky as I am, your friends will be there to shed light on your journey. And may you never be alone. 

And to these amazing people: Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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