If you’re my friend on Facebook you may have already seen this story. Last weekend I was at a concert at the local fair and talking to someone about breast cancer and what I’ve been through this year. It was an interesting conversation, her mom had breast cancer many years ago and it was interesting to hear how things have changed over the years.
This beautiful women looked at me at one point in the conversation and said “You should feel very lucky that your husband can still find you attractive after your surgery. You’re very fortunate he hasn’t left you.”
Wow. What do you say to that?
Now, I will say that Jon would have a million reasons to leave me, with or without titanium boobs. I’m not easy to live with, not even close. Maybe that’s why he lets me leave home so often! 
I’m a trainwreck, overly ambitious, strong willed, stubborn, and aggressive. But to desire me, or not, because of my surgery?
Anyway, I was floored. So what were my choices, to not have surgery because I may no longer be sexy to men (if I ever was) and wait for cancer?
It did get me thinking about it, and about my body on an intimate level. I still kind of ignore my chest since the surgery, it’s still hard for me to look at. So if it’s hard for me to look at, it makes sense that it would be hard for a man to look at me and feel anything other than curiosity. My blogging friends stay away from the talks of what we go through after this surgery as far as intimacy goes, but maybe that’s not a good idea. Maybe we need to talk about it. Maybe someone reading this feels exactly like the woman at the concert.
Let me address the comment first of all. I would like to think that I wouldn’t be married to someone that would find me unattractive in my current state. I like to think that my brain, courage, and fire would be the real reason for a man to be attracted to me, not because of my breasts. And if Jon married me for my boobs in the first place that would be stupid, they weren’t amazing to begin with. But I still miss them.
Anyway, I agree that if a man is sensitive to medical procedures he may be turned off by the scars and recovery process. If a man is extremely worried about the beauty of his wife I can see that he may be freaked out by a nipple-less woman. But to fall out of love with her?
I know I’m arguing both sides of the arguement when I say this, but if I were single and having to face dating I would be terrified by my new body. Exposing my new body on that level would take incredible amounts of trust, putting my heart right there on the line, and right or wrong I would be waiting to see if my new lover would turn away in disgust, become pre-occupied in the unusual parts of me, or touch me with love and passion. And the moments it would take to find out the answer would be breathtaking and terrifying. I can’t imagine an intimate moment where I would feel more exposed or frightened.
I’m not crazy, I do see the irony in what I just said since I have videos of my body exposed on the internet. But a video explaining medical procedures to ease the fears of others is very different from exposing your body in a moment of intimate sharing.
My ‘beauty’ is not in my breasts! It never was! What makes me the woman I am has nothing to do with what is in my shirt. We are all powerful and wonderful because of what is inside of us, not because of what a man touches. And the most intimate and loving touches are the soft caresses on our souls and hearts, not our breasts. It’s far more intimate to fall asleep close together holding hands than having your breast touched, at least in my mind. And I have never thought I would be less of a woman because I have Frankenstein scars and hard breasts.
Frankly, I think I am more of a woman now.
Please, for those of you going through this, please don’t place the value of yourself as a woman in your lost breasts. You are amazing, no matter the scars and the natural fears. You have a fire within you that burns to be alive, and that radiates throughout your body and shows the world that you are amazing with or without those scars.
women didn’t seem to like the idea of a woman chosing to have mastectomies before getting cancer, but I am still happy with my choice. I saw so many “In Memory Of” signs, I don’t want my name to ever be on one. It may not be understood, but I am proud to be a Previvor.
on the videography/photography business I sold. That month the buyers defaulted on a $40,000 loan I held, I found a lump in my breast, my brother was in prision, my mother was sick, and my husband’s job was going down the toilet.
11 months ago I was hired at Land Rover and almost immediately was able to join in on an incredible adventure to British Columbia. The BC trip featured monumental off roading and the meeting of many great new friends, and two friends that I hope will be in my life for the rest of my days. Token and Hubby B.
while a fear of cancer raged inside me. I cried a lot on that trip, and my friends were patient, and I was exactly where I wanted to be, but more frightened than ever before.
found out I did not have cancer, and that I could lower my risks by having double mastectomies. I learned about the lack of funding and insurance coverage for other women needing MRIs to detect cancer. I thought there had to be some way I could take this and make it right. I heard people telling me I was courageous, and strong. I felt that I didn’t have any other choice. I couldn’t find information about what I was going to go through from a woman’s point of view, and so I started Courage Is My Strength. I came up with idea of an off road race team to raise awareness and money for other women. I called Larry to see what he thought, and called another off road friend, Ken, and they both gave me big thumbs up. So I went for it. Ken directed me to NORRA (National Off Road Racing Association) and I volunteered to help with their upcoming Mexican 1000 rally in Baja.
people I met there have touched my life so remarkably. Pam found out about Courage and immediately jumped on to help, introducing me to Betsy-a talented woman that has won Baja 1000-and even announcing at the drivers meeting that I need a truck! I met so many people that have helped me so much, but this post is already too long to name them all! But Pam, Mike, Betsy, Ashley, Bob, Brendan, and Jake have all changed my life and helped make my dreams come true. And none of that would be possible without the support from Ken, Larry, my family, and the friends that stood behind me through the chasing of the dream to make things better for other women going through this.
